Benadryl Dreams

Insouciance as the vibrant colors disappear into the black holes of my mind.

Times is no longer relative it’s stopped and discarded.

The only relevance is the moment that is stretched and sanguine.

Though there is notably no evidence of a happy ending.

Much of this episode is marked by dire consequences of former feelings of inadequacy.

Too much of a good thing can kill the host as well as the parasite.

Emotions become utterly meaningless because they have lost their ability to tug at the heart string.

The truth is fluid and has no proper container to tame it.

Benadryl Dreams

An iLL Lament

As the body feels the random sensation of sadness.

I am rough around the edges and I cut the people I love when I am not careful.

I see nothing in the distance because the clouds over head are dark.

All this posing and perpetrating got me breaking, like a sever weather warning.

After the rain, how did I become the floods that overwhelm.

An iLL Lament

A Sharable Couth

All our seconds together seem borrowed. We are awkward and unaltered. Can we sit and hold hands and eat candy. Not talking to each other. Can we ever fill the space between us. We do have some small chemistry yet we might have to much asymmetry to ever be aligned. Caution is our ally during these early times. We could grow together if we try. However I worry our growth is too linear and we will be parallel for life, never intersecting. Our essence is unstable, for which our mutual echos are unsustainable.

Wavering and Reticent

Wavering and Reticent

In the depths of the Shadows. Trust has become the one aspect of this life that has no meaning. It does not have its own breath. No stethoscope can decipher.

Expel the demons and refresh with some candor. Takes some steps slowly and walk with skepticism. Our eyes are not deceiving yet our words can now express our feelings. Patience is mistaken for vulnerability as we walk a crumbling bridge with no scaffolding.

Activation is only as strong as the infrastructure that is beneath its motivation. Over arching tale’s of love and misery seem to mask the tinder experience’s from the expectations. Crushing the luxury of our own misconceptions. The false community that is desired has never embraced to its full potential.

Crave Your Lips

Manhattan Streets

Solera- Hendrix and Tonic

Find the self useless even though iLL has left Texas. 1st drink in Manhattan, Hendrix and tonic. As iLL becomes toxic… proceed to walk these crowded streets oblivious. Jus stop thinking hard for a few Monet’s. Memories from the last 24 hours weigh heavy creating notches.

“Bout to drink iLLself blind waking up tomorrow thinking bout today in Blotches”

Moving in the shadows creeping around buildings. iLL cannot avoid windows. Least amount of eye contact the better. Stepping into shady bars only for refreshments. Order another Hendrix and tonic. Finishing it leaving searching for another cumbersome cucumber delight. Side walk steps, heads barely ever up. Noticing nothing behaving badly.

Using this time to reevaluate the iLLogic of this position.

Drinking deep into the heavy, iLL so sleazy. Putting these words together to speak becoming its own chore. Cruising thru these prose plotting dangerous knots, coming up crossed infatuated and lost. Flossed, walking around tossed, iLL sway has no timing.

Self Awareness

Self Awareness

Digging deeper into my own self esteem.

Making sure that I come to the proper conclusions.

It’s like fate has given me the opportunity to become a better version.

So I take this time to go far beyond scrapping the surface for cognizance.

This is all I have to give me a true representation of my inner demons.

Shifting this energy into myself on every possible level.

Searching for the triggers that ignite false expectations.

Sounds like an easy process until I discover the true egotistical ethos.

Walking down memory lane has forced me to examine the stepping stones of personality.

Trust is misguided in these sessions of introspection.

So little weight is given on the obvious obstacles to pure observation.

The simple conclusions are merely projections of sympathetic tensions.

The nadir has to be sought in order to come to terms with the truest sense of identity.

Difficult questions have to be asked in the process even when answers never come.

Creating new questions that arise convoluting the investigation.

It’s like a curse to try and find the nuances of this being.

Happiness is an amazing illusion that has no chance to grow in my subconscious.

Giving up on these fantasy’s allows me to create a shield minus conceit.

Chasing the Ghost…

Chasing a Ghost…

Foie Gras and Roasted Asparagus,

Add some fresh caught tuna of course.

Proceeded by Rosé Champagne.

Minus the the aperitif it’s smelling like the coast.

Follow me down the path I’ll make a Toast.

“Everything new to me is tainted by a sense of déjà vu.

The pysilecibin unlocks some of the darker corners on my thought process.

Creating a certain amount of distraction from reality.

Majestic dreams of faceless streams of consciousness.

Opulence is found with great effort yet it feels so destructive.

The journey has taken a toll on this mind.

The body is weaker from the bruises to the torso.

It’s all masked by the false face that I give to the world.”

Overthinking ever second so I enjoy little pleasure during these dinner parties.

Finish the evening with a glass of red bull and absinthe for good measure.

No apologies or sympathies extended for my erratic behavior.

The chemicals have altered me to slight degrees.

The visions and the shameful deeds,

That proceed are versions of me.

Becoming the peacock is natural overnight.

Sorry Never Comes From These Lips

Sorry Never Comes From These Lips

Flaws are essentially ingrained in my character.

Never going to deceive with out probable cause.

These conditions are always proceeded with pause.

Morals and ethics get in the way on many occasions.

No worries accumulate in this conscience over time.

Justification is powerful enough to overcome discrepancies.

Masked intentions for the outside world since they deserve nothing.

Fictional accounts are warranted in these moments of discourse.

Maneuvers are made with self interest the goal.

No apologies apparently it’s weak to retract and go backwards.

So I always double down and stay on message.

Certain instances it’s best to never look behind yourself.

Physically it’s seen in my face as long as you can pick the tale.

Mentally consuming this pressure to acquire trust and materialistic desires.

Crushing souls and hearts along the way down this lonely path.

Making no confessions or special considerations as I create my wake.

Sounds Like iLL’s Heartless

Sounds Like iLL’s Heartless

Making no concessions and refuse to make any confessions.

With thoughts so clouded by my own lack of dimensions.

Maneuvers are basic until they come up against restrictions.

Now you catch me jumpin fences in order to get where iLL projections desire.

These trajectories are more important than false expectations.

Pragmatic waves come over the self identified nuances that make up this being.

Keep the pressure on my chest, no cheating on these ideas.

Measures make all the difference between moments of indecision.

No longer cautious about any of my priorities, these moments are crucially appropriate.

Marching thru this life until I come face to face with my own demons.