Solera- Hendrix and Tonic

Find the self useless even though iLL has left Texas. 1st drink in Manhattan, Hendrix and tonic. As iLL becomes toxic… proceed to walk these crowded streets oblivious. Jus stop thinking hard for a few Monet’s. Memories from the last 24 hours weigh heavy creating notches.

“Bout to drink iLLself blind waking up tomorrow thinking bout today in Blotches”

Moving in the shadows creeping around buildings. iLL cannot avoid windows. Least amount of eye contact the better. Stepping into shady bars only for refreshments. Order another Hendrix and tonic. Finishing it leaving searching for another cumbersome cucumber delight. Side walk steps, heads barely ever up. Noticing nothing behaving badly.

Using this time to reevaluate the iLLogic of this position.

Drinking deep into the heavy, iLL so sleazy. Putting these words together to speak becoming its own chore. Cruising thru these prose plotting dangerous knots, coming up crossed infatuated and lost. Flossed, walking around tossed, iLL sway has no timing.

💚❤️Make Love❤️💚

I put my tears in between the words and I think about your curves.

I want to hold you close and be deep in your eyes.

I need your skin on top of mine.

I put my emotions inside, and dream of your lips and mine.

I want to feel your heart beat through my chest.

I need to have your breathing matching mine.

I put my soul in the ether waiting for our time.

I want to make your smile the everlasting glow in my mind.

I need your love to dig down inside me and keep me alive.

So easy to deceive the self. No activity treacherous enough to fall into vice. It’s a victimless crime. Self pity is distracting as I characterize emotional structures for hanging. Working towards a breakthrough in my deeper grey matter. Chaos is created as I exhale. Chemical reactions give off sparks. Crescent and crushing there is no discussing distance. Senses have no repercussions as they lose representation. Calmly is the worst option because it’s insurmountable.

Self Awareness

Digging deeper into my own self esteem.

Making sure that I come to the proper conclusions.

It’s like fate has given me the opportunity to become a better version.

So I take this time to go far beyond scrapping the surface for cognizance.

This is all I have to give me a true representation of my inner demons.

Shifting this energy into myself on every possible level.

Searching for the triggers that ignite false expectations.

Sounds like an easy process until I discover the true egotistical ethos.

Walking down memory lane has forced me to examine the stepping stones of personality.

Trust is misguided in these sessions of introspection.

So little weight is given on the obvious obstacles to pure observation.

The simple conclusions are merely projections of sympathetic tensions.

The nadir has to be sought in order to come to terms with the truest sense of identity.

Difficult questions have to be asked in the process even when answers never come.

Creating new questions that arise convoluting the investigation.

It’s like a curse to try and find the nuances of this being.

Happiness is an amazing illusion that has no chance to grow in my subconscious.

Giving up on these fantasy’s allows me to create a shield minus conceit.

Chasing a Ghost…

Foie Gras and Roasted Asparagus,

Add some fresh caught tuna of course.

Proceeded by Rosé Champagne.

Minus the the aperitif it’s smelling like the coast.

Follow me down the path I’ll make a Toast.

“Everything new to me is tainted by a sense of déjà vu.

The pysilecibin unlocks some of the darker corners on my thought process.

Creating a certain amount of distraction from reality.

Majestic dreams of faceless streams of consciousness.

Opulence is found with great effort yet it feels so destructive.

The journey has taken a toll on this mind.

The body is weaker from the bruises to the torso.

It’s all masked by the false face that I give to the world.”

Overthinking ever second so I enjoy little pleasure during these dinner parties.

Finish the evening with a glass of red bull and absinthe for good measure.

No apologies or sympathies extended for my erratic behavior.

The chemicals have altered me to slight degrees.

The visions and the shameful deeds,

That proceed are versions of me.

Becoming the peacock is natural overnight.

Sorry Never Comes From These Lips

Flaws are essentially ingrained in my character.

Never going to deceive with out probable cause.

These conditions are always proceeded with pause.

Morals and ethics get in the way on many occasions.

No worries accumulate in this conscience over time.

Justification is powerful enough to overcome discrepancies.

Masked intentions for the outside world since they deserve nothing.

Fictional accounts are warranted in these moments of discourse.

Maneuvers are made with self interest the goal.

No apologies apparently it’s weak to retract and go backwards.

So I always double down and stay on message.

Certain instances it’s best to never look behind yourself.

Physically it’s seen in my face as long as you can pick the tale.

Mentally consuming this pressure to acquire trust and materialistic desires.

Crushing souls and hearts along the way down this lonely path.

Making no confessions or special considerations as I create my wake.

Sounds So Heartless

These days seem so fruitless.

No outcomes that are welcomed.

Causal asides to the world outside.

Respecting nothing that is given back.

Taking all the shorts that reach the air.

Touching souls is less likely the option.

Making excuses will never be enough.

Fabrication is so prevalent in these days.

Reaching back to take more perspective.

The intercepting lines seem to lead down.

There is a negative energy that is surrounding.

Engulfing everything that hope is cloaked in.

No ideas embracing spirituality or instinct.

Inclinations to get hot are masking the truth.

Cruising the passenger seat irresponsibly.

Overcoming the dark moments unequivocally.

Savages deep beneath the surface clawing.

Reacting to all the faults that come with effect.

Kicking back as if it’s ok to lash out.

Nothing is equal to taking the lumps.

Sounds Like iLL’s Heartless

Making no concessions and refuse to make any confessions.

With thoughts so clouded by my own lack of dimensions.

Maneuvers are basic until they come up against restrictions.

Now you catch me jumpin fences in order to get where iLL projections desire.

These trajectories are more important than false expectations.

Pragmatic waves come over the self identified nuances that make up this being.

Keep the pressure on my chest, no cheating on these ideas.

Measures make all the difference between moments of indecision.

No longer cautious about any of my priorities, these moments are crucially appropriate.

Marching thru this life until I come face to face with my own demons.

Could I ever run away with you….

This idea has been aching in my mind.

Ripping my heart into pieces.

I have an inclination to leave the world behind.

Take your hand and disappear with you.

Call you my compass and leave this known world behind.

Make a life without anything familiar.

Take all my thoughts and abandon my a facade that I was wearing for years.

So scared to make you carry all my hope.

Unable to completely allow you to shoulder any blame for my own misguided actions.

Time will come when I have to reconcile and evolve into our relationship.

Could you ever love me for the flaws that I do desperately hide from the wilderness.

You only see me as a tree planting roots.

Replacing my old lifestyle with a new fabulous fabric intertwined with your life.

I am selfish enough to allow you to share my bittersweet inability to be happy.

Am I selfless enough to let you go because I will only disappoint your heart.

My vulnerability is not worth an ounce of your empathy.